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He had a lot to say...

We'll miss him.

In a short period between 2005 and 2006 I lost my best friend. In those 6 months after I moved away we wrote a total of 28 letters. While much of it was light hearted, there was a heavy and dark undertone that became more pronounced with time.

ultimately he fell apart. He lashed out. We never spoke again.

He died in 2020. Below are some of his thoughts from those days back then. I hope some of them make you laugh. If some of them make you cry. That is good too. Take him, good with bad. Let your memories drift towards the brighter times and not dwell on those few dark days that broke our hearts.

 

He dreamed of a world where all races would blend to brown, where everyone would be left alone to do what they wanted. He was not politically correct but he was progressive in his own way.

McKnight4.png

Abraham Lincoln's perspective

A poem by Abraham Lincoln

[II]

But here's an object more of dread
Than ought the grave contains--
A human form with reason fled,
While wretched life remains.

Poor Matthew! Once of genius bright,
A fortune-favored child--
Now locked for aye, in mental night,
A haggard mad-man wild.

Poor Matthew! I have ne'er forgot,
When first, with maddened will,
Yourself you maimed, your father fought,
And mother strove to kill;

When terror spread, and neighbors ran,
Your dange'rous strength to bind;
And soon, a howling crazy man
Your limbs were fast confined.

How then you strove and shrieked aloud,
Your bones and sinews bared;
And fiendish on the gazing crowd,


With burning eye-balls glared--

And begged, and swore, and wept and prayed
With maniac laught[ter?] joined--
How fearful were those signs displayed
By pangs that killed thy mind!

And when at length, tho' drear and long,
Time smoothed thy fiercer woes,
How plaintively thy mournful song
Upon the still night rose.

I've heard it oft, as if I dreamed,
Far distant, sweet, and lone--
The funeral dirge, it ever seemed
Of reason dead and gone.

To drink it's strains, I've stole away,
All stealthily and still,
Ere yet the rising God of day
Had streaked the Eastern hill.

Air held his breath; trees, with the spell,
Seemed sorrowing angels round,
Whose swelling tears in dew-drops fell
Upon the listening ground.

But this is past; and nought remains,
That raised thee o'er the brute.
Thy piercing shrieks, and soothing strains,
Are like, forever mute.

Now fare thee well--more thou the cause,
Than subject now of woe.


All mental pangs, by time's kind laws,
Hast lost the power to know.

O death! Thou awe-inspiring prince,
That keepst the world in fear;


Why dost thos tear more blest ones hence,
And leave him ling'ring here?

A. Lincoln, 1844

Jordan Peterson's Perspective

A video

How it ends (15 years ago)

your sick. you can't distinguish between dream and reality because you are
seriously fucked up. you know i tried. I stuck with you as long as I could
but your self-hatred and drug-induced psychosis makes it impossible from
this point on. You have become like Jack Nicholson in the Shining.  You've
really pushed the envelope of unacceptable behavior and now you start
insulting me and bringing my woman into this...   I was thinking about it at
work and was going to tell you nicely by sending you back the emails you
wrote so you can see for yourself. but now I dont give a fuck. Don't ever
ask me for anything ever.  This is strike three. I guess you win. good for
you.


PS not that it has anything to do with me. but you can turn yourself
around. you dont need to go down this path because this path is not leading
to a nice place.  I wish this didnt have to be the way it is.  I know you
are in a lot of pain right now and it pains me to be adding to it. But your
trying to hurt me. and I am not a bitch that roles over and gets fucked.
Part of me is sentimental and remembers a wholesome nice guy from a small
town. For the sake of your mother, tell your doctor whats happening to you.
if you dont know what to say just print out one of the emails that you've
sent and bring it to him.

You are not weak if you get help. It will take enormous strength. You ARE
WEAK if you lose control of your emotions and actions and let yourself
continue on this course.

 

Epilogue

Remembering just the man that was great, that I knew (from about 2001 to about 2004): he was the life of the party, fearless and funny. He loved Cataline the Roman rebel and Alexander the Great, Wine, Women and Song and of course the Doors. Perhaps most prophetically, he preferred Syd Barrett's Pink Floyd. We had so many adventures. I learned so much from him. I will always appreciate how he helped me get out of my shell in first year university. I've mourned his loss for the last 15 years and thought of him often. God Bless.

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